Pentagonisms Compendium

FUUO's Pentagonisms:

http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/11/pgon-ism-of-week-circle-wagons.html

http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/12/pentagon-ism-of-week-bandwidth.html

http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/10/pgon-ism-of-week-missionary-work.html

http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/09/pgonism-of-week-bluf.html

http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/08/pgon-ism-of-week-across-river.html

http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/07/pentagon-ism-of-week-reaching-out.html

http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/07/pentagon-ism-of-week.html

http://famousdc.com/2010/09/03/for-unofficial-use-only/

Pentagon-ism of the Week: Bandwidth

Pentagonism of the Week

Bandwidth

Ugh.  This word litters the corridors and cubicles of the PGON.  How did people find out how busy other people were before the advent of this word? 

Like any good PGONISM this one is perfectly nebulous and is seldom used properly. 

It might serve us well to first examine a definition of bandwidth in the literal sense. 

Bandwidth: a data transmission rate, the maximum amount of information that can be transmitted along a channel. 

Bandwidth: the carry capacity of a data internconnect.  High bandwidth connections are also called high speed connection because they can transmit large quantities of data very quickly.  

Common usage:
From senior to junior officer: "Hey boss, how's your bandwidth looking next week, mine is already pretty low?"

Translation:  "Hey officer-junior-to-me-whom-I-will-patronize-by-calling-'boss', I am looking to unload a project on someone, are you unintelligent enough to tell me you're not that busy next week?"

    Perhaps, my largest issue with this typical usage stems from the english major in me.  For the most part, one's bandwidth is fixed.  If you are a sharp and intelligent officer who manages his/her time well, then you will always have a 'high' bandwidth (i.e. the ability to process a large or high amount of information or tasks).  When you are task-saturated your bandwidth might already be taken.  In this case, a more accurate and precise response might be that one's bandwidth is already full (vs. the incorrrect high or low) the next week.  


    So I implore you to buck the trend and when someone asks you how your bandwidth is, reply that your bandwidth is a fixed high-speed data connection that is 'full as always.'..... 

FUUO's Pentagonisms:

http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/11/pgon-ism-of-week-circle-wagons.html

http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/12/pentagon-ism-of-week-bandwidth.html

http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/10/pgon-ism-of-week-missionary-work.html

http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/09/pgonism-of-week-bluf.html

http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/08/pgon-ism-of-week-across-river.html

http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/07/pentagon-ism-of-week-reaching-out.html

http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/07/pentagon-ism-of-week.html

http://famousdc.com/2010/09/03/for-unofficial-use-only/

PGON-ism of the week- Circle the Wagons

It's been a while since I've put out a Pentagon-ism of the week and I would be remiss if I didn't mention the ubiquitous battle cry to "Circle the Wagons!"    


I always chuckle to myself when I hear this melodramatic term used.  I mean, really, are we truly 'pioneers' under attack from vicious natives...outnumbered and outgunned but ready to make a dramatic stand for victory by banding together?!  Or are we just gonna have a slightly busier than usual week?


While this term is obviously meant to inspire these pioneer-esque type of thoughts within those of us in the audience, it is often misused as a call for cooperation and communication.  As in:


"Alright guys, we need to circle the wagons this week, and figure out how we are going route this info memo about the French CNO's favorite red wine to our CNO."  


or:


"We need to circle the wagons and figure out where we are going to have coffee this morning, the dunkin donuts is a bit of a walk, but that have some great new mocha flavored coffee."

For the intellectually curious:
Origin of Circle the Wagons

Circle the Wagons: The History of US Army Convoy Security Book

PGON-ism of the Week- Missionary Work

One might not expect "missionary work" to be an oft-used term in an organization/building dedicated to killing babies, exacting haphazard revenge, usurping global oil resources for the betterment of corporate american, blah blah blah, ensuring freedom with military precision bureaucratic indeccision military force.

 missionary work

        This is a term that seems to be in very in vogue right now.  Every time you gather three or more officers in the presence of their reporting senior this term is sure to be bandied about.  It calls immediately to mind a hardy constitution, a selfless nature and a servant leader.  
        Therefore if you proclaim that you are doing 'missionary work' you immediately frame yourself in a very specific way in the mind of your boss.  He sees you as someone who 'reaches out', who 'socializes' ideas; ideally he sees you as an "early promote".    Beyond that he sees you as someone who works to convert the hearts and minds of other agencies that don't normally work with the Navy or who aren't traditionally fans of the department of defense.  


Examples of use:


"Yes, Admiral I've been doing serious missionary work over at A-I-D, and I think it going to start to paying dividends at our next conference."
-LCDR X at any given weekly 'what have you done for me this week' meeting


"LT, I need you to start doing some missionary work at the Dunkin Donuts, I think they've been shorting me on my donut hole orders."
-Flag officer X
        
Past Pentagonisms:
http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/11/pgon-ism-of-week-circle-wagons.html
http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/12/pentagon-ism-of-week-bandwidth.html
http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/10/pgon-ism-of-week-missionary-work.html
http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/09/pgonism-of-week-bluf.html
http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/08/pgon-ism-of-week-across-river.html
http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/07/pentagon-ism-of-week-reaching-out.html
http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/07/pentagon-ism-of-week.html
http://famousdc.com/2010/09/03/for-unofficial-use-only/

PGONism of the Week- BLUF

People love to BLUF in the Pentagon!  I can honestly say I never encountered this term until coming to work here in the PGON.  There is not a day (or two) that goes by that I don't see this term in a powerpoint brief or email...peoples be loving to get their BLUF on   let me reemphasize: people in the PGON love to use this term.

PGONism of the Week- BLUF

Of course this term means: Bottom Line Up Front.  It's most often used at the start of 124 slide powerpoints or circuitous homeresque emails.   And in this aspect, it is hugely valuable!  It allows the reader to assess the nature of the email or brief and then completely zone out of the brief or place the email in the appropriate .pst folder  frame their attention appropriately.


I only wish the users of the ubiquitous BLUF could be just a succinct in the rest of their writing.


The English major in me would like to add though that the general public knows "BLUF" by another name: The topic sentence.  A good topic sentence needs no acronym loudly belching its presence.


PGONism corollary:  When I first saw the term BLUF I immediately went to google to figure out what it meant and this website was the #1 result:


NSFW: http://www.bluf.com


No kidding, this is a website dedicated to Breeches and Leather Uniform Fanclub...yup, that kind of website.  So next time you use or see the word BLUF in a brief I want you to think about the "fraternal homosexual leather organization" and the smart-aleck LT that most likely (earned a fitrep bullet) coined the term BLUF.
FUUO's Pentagonisms:

http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/11/pgon-ism-of-week-circle-wagons.html

http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/12/pentagon-ism-of-week-bandwidth.html

http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/10/pgon-ism-of-week-missionary-work.html

http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/09/pgonism-of-week-bluf.html

http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/08/pgon-ism-of-week-across-river.html

http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/07/pentagon-ism-of-week-reaching-out.html

http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/07/pentagon-ism-of-week.html

http://famousdc.com/2010/09/03/for-unofficial-use-only/

Pentagon Protester of the Week- Disarm Now!

NOTE:  For those who don't know,  every Monday morning the Pentagon allows only the biggest idiots best and brightest dissenters to post up on the grassy area by the Metro entrance escalators and display their signs. 

Pentagon Protester of the Week- Disarm Now!

The U.S. is the #1 terrorist in the world, DISARM NOW!

This happy statement greeted me this morning.  These birkenstocks-with-white-socks-wearing-hippie scum protesters went all out this morning, eschewing their normal cardboard and painting out their mantras on white bedroom sheets.  It immediately took me back to my plebe year, making the sheet posters before the Navy football games. 

So let's look first at the defintion of 'terrorism' as we address the protesters stationed in grass area atop the metro entrance this morning. 
World English Dictionary
1.  systematic use of violence and intimidation to achieve some goal
Legal dictionary
1.  the unlawful use or threat of violence esp. against the state or the public as a politically motivated means of attack or coercion

According to these definitions, I wouldn't say the United States necessarily falls into these categories.  However, even if we were the #1 Terrorists in the world, I am not sure that 'DISARMing' the United States is the next logical step.  I would say the protesters need to further refine and define what it is that they exactly want to accomplish. 

And as I have said before I would like to know if they are also protesting at the White House and Capitol Hill since there is no one here at the Pentagon that is going to make the decision to DISARM the United States. 

However, I continue to salute their once-a-week dedication to the downfall of United States National Security freedom of the United States.

The protesters in their younger years.

Diplomat's Daily Quotable- 'A'

Absence:

"If you're not at the table, you're on the menu."

This is such a true statement.  Meetings/briefings can truly be torture at times, but if you aren't there to defend/direct the conversation you can be sure that you (or your office) will receive the majority of the tasking doled out as a result of the meeting. 

Or you or your organization might find itself on the 'chopping block'....

Pentagon Protester of the Week: The best part of waking up...

NOTE:  For those who don't know,  every Monday morning the Pentagon allows only the biggest idiots best and brightest dissenters to post up on the grassy area by the Metro entrance escalators and display their signs. 

This Monday the first sign I noticed coming up the escalator was:

"Turn swords into plowshares"

Which immediately made me think: what the heck is a plowshare.  Which led me to:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plowshare
In agriculture, a plowshare (or ploughshare) is a component of a plow (plough). It is the cutting or leading edge of a moldboard which closely follows the coulter (one or more ground-breaking spikes) when plowing.
The plowshare itself is often a hardened blade dressed into an integral mouldboard (by the blacksmith) so making a unified combination of plowshare and moldboard, the whole being responsible for entering the cleft in the earth (made by the coulter's first cutting-through) and turning the earth over.
Okay, so our protester of the week Comrade Birkenstocks is obviously a fan of Michael Jackson's 1991 single Heal the World  or maybe just a fan of the book of Isaiah. 
     Either way, I took his sign to mean that we should take our swords and fashion them so as to be able to attach them to plows and become farmers instead of warriors. 
     I would love to get on board with him, unfortunately we don't use swords anymore and I don't see how to convert an M-16s or H-60 Seahawk onto a plow.  But maybe he could update his sign to:

Turn Search and Rescue helicopters into civilian Search and Rescue helicopters

or since there aren't too many weapons systems in use inside the Pentagon proper:

Turn desks into farmhouses or teepees

Diplomats Daily Quotable- N

 Notes:  Diplomat's write Notes, because they wouldn't have the nerve to tell the same things to each other's face."  -Will Rogers 1949

Nuance:  "Truth and wisdom lie in nuances."         -Ernest Renan, french philosopher and write (author of What is a Nation)

Negotiability:  "What's mine is mine, what's yours is negotiable."        -Attitude attributed to Soviet negotiators. 

PGON-ism of the week: "Across the River"

Get more than two O-6s (or three O-5s, or one O-4, or four obnoxious O-3s) in a conference room, office, starbucks, subway, bathroom, sauna, or weight room (all things which the PGON has) and you are sure to hear the phrase "across the river".

I was a note-taker for a conference last week and I must have heard this phrase hundreds of times. 

The 'river' in this case is the mighty Potomac which is all that separates (physically at least) DOD (Department of Defense) from the rest of the government.  Sometimes this refers to the State Department (usually though they are "Foggy Bottom") but more often than not this refers to Congress or the Executive Branch, pour example:

"Until we get buy-in (future PGON-ism) across the river, we are just spinning our wheels.  We need to start leveraging (future PGON-ism) our OLA contacts"

translation:

"Until Congress allocates money for this, we are wasting our time.  We need to start prank-calling some of those OLA Lieutenants (we'd have lunch with them but Capitol Hill trips requires whites which we try to avoid at all costs)."

Again, as with all PGON-isms, the beauty is in the vagueness of the term.  The first sentence of the above quote could be referring to state department which is great if you aren't really sure what is needed to get something done.

Bonus question:  The canal below is NOT the potomac, what was the original vision (and whose vision was it) for this canal?

The best part of waking up...."Loving your enemies doesn't mean killing them"

NOTE:  For those who don't know,  every Monday morning the Pentagon allows only the biggest idiots best and brightest dissenters to post up on the grassy area by the Metro entrance escalators and display their signs. 

PENTAGON PROTESTER OF THE WEEK!

Okay a new weekly entry (hopefully) each Monday: "THE BEST PART OF WAKING UP"  where I will highlight one protester sign. 

Mondays mornings are usually the pits...
But no matter how dire the case of Mondays I may have, I always get a smile as I walk off the escalator towards security because of these intrepid 'protesters':

(HERE IS WHERE I WOULD PUT A SNAPSHOT OF THEM IF WE WERE ALLOWED TO TAKE PICTURES IN OR AROUND THE PENTAGON)

Every Monday (they seem to fade off sharply after Monday) there are about 5 or 6 people with handpainted signs just staring at the cattle herd of us headed to work.  I wonder if they think that some LCDR or CAPT is going to see their signs and suddenly, single-handedly decide to "End the War" and "Bring our Troops Home!"...yup, I am sure that LCDR will walk write over the CNO's office and fix everything!

But this week's entry:  "Loving your enemies doesn't mean killing them" gave me a good chuckle for several reasons.  Perhaps, they got mixed up and didn't realize that the military's rules aren't necessarily based on biblical precepts.  Furthermore, just who is their audience here, am I supposed to see that sign and have a 'doh' moment? 

Oh, I totally forgot that I was supposed to hug and cuddle with my enemies NOT kill them (since that's what we are definitely doing).

And of course this leads me to the next logical question, just what does 'love your enemies mean'?

Thoughts anyone?

Pentagon-ISM of the week- 'Reaching out'

 Pentagon-ISM of the week- 'Reaching out'

Ah yes, 'reaching out', also see: 'reach out' or reached out'. 

If you work in the PGON you WILL hear this EVERY day--without FAIL.  Maybe I am just oblivious but I never heard this term until coming to work here.  Or maybe people used it so infrequently or 'occasionally' that I never noticed it.  People DON'T use it occassionally here, that is for sure.
    If I didn't know any better I would think the Pentagon is this cuddly, homely, 5-sided center of out-stretched arms cooperating at every chance.  But of course this is not the case.

Example of use:
"Rick, I need you to reach out to State and see if we can start working a 'way-ahead' (see future Pentagonism OTW) for Chelsea's wedding location."

    Close your eyes. Can you imagine Rick hearing the statement above and slowly turning to the northeast in his cubicle and stretching his arms towards Foggy Bottom, all the while chanting 'Algeria, Algeria, Algeria.'

In this case you can see the way in which the vague nature of the term serves a purpose of masking the actual nature of the tasking.  The reason for this is because often enough, people aren't sure what outcome is actually desired.   And unlike the word 'contact' or 'call' or 'get in touch with', 'reach out' carries with it the presupposition of cooperation...which is pretty funny because that is usually the biggest hurdle when working with other agencies.
    But as always, this PentagonismOTW is a great tool in a junior officer's arsenal because 'reaching out' can mean anything:

"Well sir, I reached out to State last week but didn't get any 'traction' (see future Pentagonism OTW)."

In this case, I forgot to call my counterpart at the State Department and instead literally waved toward Foggy Bottom on the Yellow Line headed northward, but they didn't wave back

So, next time you are home you can mess with your Dad and ask him to 'reach out' to your grandmother regarding who will be hosting Thanksgiving dinner this year.

FUUO's Pentagonisms:

http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/11/pgon-ism-of-week-circle-wagons.html

http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/12/pentagon-ism-of-week-bandwidth.html

http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/10/pgon-ism-of-week-missionary-work.html

http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/09/pgonism-of-week-bluf.html

http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/08/pgon-ism-of-week-across-river.html

http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/07/pentagon-ism-of-week-reaching-out.html

http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/07/pentagon-ism-of-week.html

http://famousdc.com/2010/09/03/for-unofficial-use-only/

  

Pentagon-ISM of the week-Socialize

 Pentagon-ISM of the week-Socialize

Okay, in order to get a little humor and life into this blog I have decided to add a "Pentagon-ISM" each week.  This is a word or phrase that you are guaranteed to hear during any given day (and certainly during any given week) during the course of business here at the P-GON.

Drumrollllllllllllllllll...this week's word is 'socialize'.

I overheard this while riding the slow lane on the food court escalator today.  A guy my age in a suit was with a group going down on the opposite direction escalator.  Someone asked him about the status of some project and he replied that he still needed to 'socialize' it with another office. 

Socialize is a great word because it is vague and can mean anything.  Typically it just means to unofficially or casually bring up a topic/issue with a counterpart at another office or agency (or within your own office) in order to gauge their response.  HOWEVER, it's often used in a response to a request for the status of a project or tasker:

 "I've started socializing it with State but haven't heard back" = "Once I am done updating my Facebook status I will start on an email to my counterpart at the State Department..wait, what's the tasker again?"

FUUO's Pentagonisms:

http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/11/pgon-ism-of-week-circle-wagons.html

http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/12/pentagon-ism-of-week-bandwidth.html

http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/10/pgon-ism-of-week-missionary-work.html

http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/09/pgonism-of-week-bluf.html

http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/08/pgon-ism-of-week-across-river.html

http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/07/pentagon-ism-of-week-reaching-out.html

http://fuuo.blogspot.com/2010/07/pentagon-ism-of-week.html

http://famousdc.com/2010/09/03/for-unofficial-use-only/